


I Want Love

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Anal, Anal Sex, Blow Job, Bondage, Confession, Domestic Violence, Endverse, Episode: s05e04 The End, Fingering, First Kiss, Future Dean, Handcuffs, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:06:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean learns a lot in 2014, one of which is that he's become an abusive asshole and a rapist, with Cas as his number one victim. He also learns how Cas has always felt about him and what exactly he can do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want Love

"What? I like past you." Seriously? Seriously? He had the nerve to say that? Right there, in front of 'him'? And Rita? Who cared about Rita, he said it in front of him! That pathetic little parasite. He couldn't believe that he had once been that Dean, that spineless little whelp. And he couldn't believe what Cas had said. Or how it had stung.   
His fist collided with the hard bone of a cheek and the man, not an angel, not anymore, cried out, falling back against the wall. Why did they have to do this? Why couldn't Cas just get his head around the idea that he was now weak and Dean was now strong, that if he wanted to survive in this nightmare, Dean was the only way he could? Why couldn't he just obey?  
He grabbed what had once been an angel by the throat, knocking him back against the wall more firmly. Those blue eyes were hazed over with drugs but they were still staring, still pleading, still so goddamn defiant, as they locked onto his.   
"What are you?" he hissed through his clenched teeth. He knew the answer, knew that Cas knew the answer that he wanted to hear it, he just had to remind him. Every few months he had to remind him.   
"I'm your…" Cas gasped around the calloused fingers digging into his windpipe, "dog."  
Dean brought his teeth up against Cas's ear, dragging the sharp edge against sensitive cartilage, making him whine. He really was nothing more than a dog now that he'd fallen, now that he'd lost his grace, now that he'd do any trick that would get him a treat.   
"And what do dogs do?" he whispered, keeping the pressure on Cas's neck even.  
"Obey." Cas barked.   
He released him. Cas stroked his throat, trying to remove the pains, panting. His eyes were more clear than they had been in a long time.  
Dean didn't give him a moment to catch his breath though, just gripped his shoulder and spun him around, pressing his face against the wall as he cuffed his hands together behind his back. Cas tugged, tried to get away but when Dean hissed the word 'obey' in his ear, Cas stilled, letting him do as he pleased. Once his wrists were secured in place he pushed him and his face smacked hard into the wall.   
If he wasn't careful he'd leave bruises and that wasn't something he wanted to explain to the idiot version of himself.   
"What do you mean you like past me?" he flung Cas around again, slapping his face, not hard, but enough to remind him of what he could do.   
His face was reddening and a bruise was starting to blossom over his cheek, "You were naïve and silly, that's all. I didn't mean I liked past you." He was pleading, making excuses. It wasn't enough.  
Dean punched him in the gut this time, winding him, and he doubled over as he tried to breathe, tears welling up in his eyes. "You're such a little whore Cas, don't think I'd believe you for a moment. You want to be riding on his prick."

Dean could hear the sound of a scuffle and he had tried to ignore it, but when he realized that it was coming from Cas's cabin, he gave up all thoughts on letting the fight slide. He dropped his beer to the ground, not caring that it was still half full, and raced to the beaded door. He didn't enter though, not yet, he just stood outside and listened.   
He could hear panting, someone trying to remember how to breathe, and they were crying too. Another person was pacing, the hardwood creaking beneath his feet.  
"What have you learned?" he heard his own voice. Were he and Cas fighting? Had he actually been able to take the angel on? "I know you've been helping out pretty much everyone in this camp. That's how you get your booze and your drugs. You just let anyone use you. Then you try to act like it was your idea, hosting your orgies on your own time."  
What was he talking about? Dean knew that Cas was having orgies, hell, he'd secretly rooted for the guy, but the rest of it, it just didn't make any sense.   
He heard a zipper open and a pitiful whine.   
"Show me what you've learned Cas."  
He peered into the room. Just listening wasn't enough, wasn't allowing him to know what was even going on in there. Cas was on his knees, his head down, his whole body crumpled over itself as he fought to breathe. His hands were handcuffed behind his back and he was shaking, even from the distance Dean could see that. This wasn't a fight. This was abuse.   
What was wrong with him? What could have possibly been so bad that he felt he could torture again, that he thought beating up his friends and handcuffing them and treating them like shit was okay? Of course he was a fearless leader; he put fear into everyone else.   
Dean was standing just in front of Cas, his hands working on his belt. That was when he got it. Not all of it, but what was important at the moment, just what Dean was going to do.   
He threw himself into the room, throwing his shoulder like he had seen countless times with football games on tv, and collided with his future self. Dean gasped in surprise with the contact and then pain as he connected with the hardwood, his past self's shoulder boney and hard. He pulled himself up, looking down at his future self, disgusted by what he would become. No, he wouldn't become this, He would never allow this future to happen. Not for him, not for Cas, and definitely not for Sammy. They deserved better than this.  
He grabbed the mirror image (minus some scars and wrinkles) of himself by the throat, strangling as he pushed the head back, trying to break the thick wood floor with his duplicates head. He did it again and again until he was sure of concussion and Dean was no longer fighting him. He was loosely aware that there was screaming in there, but he didn't know who's it was, it wasn't Dean's, but it could have been his own, or it could have been a passerby.   
He wasn't expecting it to be Cas.   
He was calling his name, his voice weak. Dean turned to him, his eyebrows knotted, but Cas wasn't even looking at him, he was staring at the man he would become, lying flat on his back unconscious.   
"Cas, you okay?" Dean raced to his side, trying to distract his attention.   
"What did you do?" Oh God, what did you do?"  
"Cas…" Dean was looking him over, not sure what was going on. He'd heard that people were commonly protective of their abusers, but this was Cas. His Cas. Sure he was broken and a bit off, but Cas was still in there somewhere.   
"Hey." Dean took him by the chin and he flinched, probably afraid of another attack, but he turned him so that they were making eye contact. "Cas, please. You have to know you deserve better than that."  
Cas stared at him for a long moment, his blue eyes crested with tears. He looked down as they began to fall, "I don't deserve anything."  
And that was wrong, that was so disgustingly wrong, that this angel of the lord, the creature that had saved him from Hell and a dozen times since, could think that he deserved something less than the absolute best. Dean flung his arms around him and pulled him into an embrace, being careful of the awkward angle of his shoulders.   
"You don't deserve to be hurt, Cas. You deserve to be loved, to be treated like an angel. You deserve better than I could ever give you."  
"You ruined that." Cas's voice was so soft that he could hardly hear him.   
He pulled away and looked his angel in the eyes once more, "What do you mean?"  
Cas was glaring at him now, anger piercing through the pain and the fear and the tears streaming down his face, "He does love me. Every time he hurts me, he loves me afterwards. Do you have any idea what that's like Dean? To love someone and not have them love you until they're done reminding you what you are to them? We both know that I've only ever been a tool to you."  
Dean stopped, his stomach a rock in his gut and his throat so swollen by surprise that he could hardly breathe himself, couldn't even begin to speak, even if he knew what to say. One, Cas loved him? That was insane. Of anyone in the world, Dean deserved his love least of all. He had done such horrible things, some of them to Cas, and with his future self he knew that list must have grown. Cas had seen him in Hell, had seen the worst of him, there was no way he could love him. Two, he thought Dean had only ever tried to use him as a tool? Dean thought of him as a friend, never a tool. Sure he'd been a tool when they first met, but that was an entirely different meaning to the word.   
"That's not love, Cas." He stroked the now long dark hair before him, receiving a wince in return, "I never saw you as a tool. He might, but that's not me, not yet. Do you even know what love is?"  
"It's the closest I'll ever get." Cas glanced over at the unconscious hunter once more, "I do know what love is. I'm not a fool. I have seen it played out over millennia, in all different forms. Mine is not so different from others. I have always loved you Dean, ever since I first saw you in Hell. I could never say it. I knew you could never love me in return."  
Wait. The whole time? Even Dean's own Castiel, before the drugs, before the loss of Grace, before he'd stopped being a dick; he'd been in love with him? No wonder they had grown so close so quickly. Dean had never suspected though, had never allowed his own thoughts of attraction bloom. He'd snuffed out all concepts of love, certain that the angel would never be interested.   
"You're going back." Cas thought out loud, drawing Dean from his thoughts, "You can love him, love me. Or you can dash the thoughts from my head. Don't let me get to this point, Dean. Don't let me turn myself into a prostitute for drugs, just so that you'd get jealous. Just to catch your attention."  
Dean was starting to move and he walked over, grabbing him by the ankles and dragging him outside of the cabin. He didn't have any handcuffs of his own and as he checked Dean's pockets he didn't find the keys to the ones securing Cas, so he tied him to the water shed with his own shoelaces, hopefully a hint that he wasn't welcome back.   
Cas was starting to twitch, uncomfortable, when he got back and something about him squirming like that made Dean's dick jump. He wished he had the key so he could let Cas go and be back to not feeling so confused about him shifting and fighting his bonds. He tore his eyes from the former angel, dragging them along the surfaces of counters instead, looking for something to pick the lock with.   
"What started all this?" Dean asked, trying to get the image out of his mind of Cas, still bound and writhing like he was but no longer clothed.   
"What, you and me?" Cas chuckled, "Sam. Of course it was Sam. With you, it's always Sam. It was three days after Detroit, after we'd heard about what happened to Sam and you, you just couldn't let go. You never could. I punched you first, playfully, just a reminder that aggression can calm you. Oh, you beat the shit out of me, or at least you would have, I was still partially an angel at that point. And once you were done with that you… You don't want to hear this, alright?"  
"I, what?" Dean turned and the pain must have been apparent on his face because Cas stopped moving, stopped fighting the handcuffs. "I raped you?"  
"I told you that you didn't want to know.   
He ran his hand over his face but that did nothing. There was something broken in him, something big. Something had gone down in Hell and it hadn't stayed there when he came back. He was a rapist now. He tortured and killed and he couldn't save Sam and he was abusive and he had raped Cas. He had forced an angel into sex? He had broken the only good thing he had outside of his family.   
"That's not you. Not yet." Cas reminded him.   
"I can stop it?" Dean wasn't so sure. Everything Cas had said about time travel, you couldn't change destiny.   
"Yes. And I request that you do."  
"You still sound the same." Dean chuckled, "After all this time you still sound the same sometimes."  
"Come here."  
Dean did as he was told and stood about a foot away from Cas. When the hippie just stared up at him, a small out of place smile on his face, he stepped closer and he found himself only a few inches away from Cas.   
The angel leaned forward, his tongue between his teeth and then he had caught Dean's zipper with his mouth, dragging it open like he was made for it.   
Dena panicked, backing away, "Woah! What are you doing?"  
Cas looked away, red blossoming blush over his cheeks, "I want you Dean. I have always wanted you. I want you to know what I can do, what I will be able to do. When you go back, if you like it, you can have it all the time, just teach me. I owe you."  
"No." Dean didn't zip back up though and he was ashamed to realize that he was half hard, that Cas's squirming alone had done that to him. "Not like this."  
"You want to buy me dinner first?" Cas laughed, "Come on Dean, we both know that me tied up gets you all worked up."  
He didn't have to mention that. It was true though. Although not as true as Dean liked being on the receiving end of the cuffs. He doubted his future self had ever allowed him to try tying him up though.   
Dean stepped back into place and Cas went back to work. Dean was trembling, blush on his face, his teeth digging into his lip, like a damn teenager. But his eyes were on Cas, who had no need for his hands. He was undoing Dean's belt with that soft pink mouth of his, undoing the button, then pulling down, the denim and the boxers all at once.   
Dean wasn't fully hard but he was close and when Cas put those pretty lips on his cock it bounced up, filling the rest of the way with blood. It was so hot and wet in there and Cas didn't move, he just held Dean in his mouth, his tongue exploring and caressing and fuck, making him feel so good. He couldn't remember being teased like this, moaning like this so early on.   
Cas pushed forward, the cock touching his throat. He didn't gag, he just swallowed it down and then fell back, letting the purpling head stop at his teeth, the only thing still in his mouth, before pushing forward once more, getting the whole thing in his mouth. Over and over he did that, take Dean all the way and then letting him almost all the way out. He couldn't take it. He was biting his fist and moaning and tangling his fingers into that hair.  
"Cas!" he screamed and whispered, "I'm so close! Oh God!"  
Cas pulled off.   
Dean stared at him, hurt and so close, so painfully close. He was about to ask why he'd stopped when Cas tried to stand and he reached forward, taking him by the shoulders and getting him to his feet.  
"Here or on the bed?" Cas smiled at him, blood appearing in tiny bubbles along his cracked lips, where the skin had been pulled too tight.  
Dean didn't know what he meant at first but when he did he smiled back, "The bed."  
"I forgot you were once a romantic." Cas led the way, his shoulders displaying every sign of discomfort. Dean wanting to let his wrists, raw and red, free but he doubted Cas would allow him to do so.  
"Help me out of these." He ordered, standing right beside the bed. It was a mess, blankets and sheets thrown to the floor. There were bottles everywhere, some for alcohol, some for pills, most empty.   
Dean did as he was told, helping the angel out of his faded Levi's before he slipped his own off the rest of the way. He smirked as he realized that they were both wearing the same pair. That alone should have caused a paradox.   
Cas looked at the bed mournfully before turning back to Dean, "How do you want me? On all fours? You always seemed to enjoy that, fucking me from behind. You never wanted to see my face."  
Dean cupped his hands around Cas's face, wondering why he had never told his own angel how he felt. This was right, this was natural. Him and Cas. "I'm not going to fuck you Cas." He informed him, his lips grazing stubble as he kissed along his jaw, "I'm going to love you." And then he kissed the angel's lips.  
It was fire and need and desire. Cas pressed his lips against him, hard and fast. He chewed at Dean's lip; he licked the inside of his mouth. He whined when Dean paused for breath.   
He'd never even been kissed before.   
"On your back if it's not too uncomfortable." He reminded the angel and he went down.   
He lay on his back, his legs spread. Dean set himself down between them.   
"You don't need to prepare me. I've been stretched out enough." Cas offered.   
There were condoms on the table beside them, next to a half bottle of lube.   
"Are you?" Dean asked, not really wanting to ask.   
"I'm clean." Cas promised, "You're the only one who doesn't wear a condom."  
Dean took the lube though, slicking up his fingers even though Cas had said he didnt need it. He pressed two of them into him at first and rubbed into the hot mess that was inside of him. It was so hot in there, so alien to Dean. He'd done this before, but not since he was 17 and that had been nothing more than an experiment. This though, he had to do this right.   
Cas was whining though, "I don't need that, just fuck me already."  
"I want to, Cas." Dean pushed his fingers in as deep as he could, searching for his prostate. "I want this to feel good for you."  
And Cas was staring at him, those sad eyes filled with wonder. Dean had never shown himself to be like this. Cas had no idea how he was supposed to react to it, react to being absolutely loved. Dean's fingers rocked forward and there, he'd found it. Cas's whining took a new note, that of pleasure, and his cock started to swell with it. He needed this, forcing those fingers into him further. Dean kept tapping that spot, rubbing it until the whines had become moans, before he began to scissor him open and stretch that hole wider.   
He slicked his cock with more of the lube before he pressed his head to Cas's asshole. The man was hissing, pushing back with his hips and he took Dean himself. The face he made though, his eyes closed, his lips parted, his whole head tipped back, it was angelic. Dean had to stop himself from laughing at that, the one time he looked angelic being during such an act. And the noise he was making, a guttural moan.   
Dean just wanted to stay there, tucked up inside of his angel, looking down at him, but he had to move. He pressed until his entire length was inside of Cas, his own dick flopping lazily onto his gut, before he pulled completely out. He pushed in again, harder, all the way in and Cas gasped. He did this a few more times, getting a louder and needier gasp from his lover, his love, his friend, each time. Then he was inside and staying there, wiggling his hips back and forth.   
Cas's hole clung to him and he was glad he hadn't loosened it any further. The tight ring of muscles was still tight, but inside it was loose enough to take him, to not hurt. Dean found a rhythm and went at it, huffing as his cock slid along the insides of an angel. This was Heaven, actual proof. Inside of his angel, not that bastard's angel, not anyone else in the camp's angel, his angel, it felt like Heaven.   
Cas's dick was leaking precome over his belly and Dean grabbed a hold of it, stroking it in time with his own needy thrusts. The sounds he was making could make a cherub cry they were so sweet, even in their hoarseness. His voice was sandpaper but he was belting out a full choir. Dean matched those sounds, hanging his head low so that their lips were only inches apart. They were breathing the same air.   
"Dean. Please. Love me. Don't let me become this." Cas gasped and groaned and then he was coming, long white threads of come splashing from his cock, landing on his stomach and chest in great white stripes. Those muscles in his ass tightened, clutching at Dean and he came as well, moaning louder as he did so, his back arched so much that it cracked.   
He collapsed on top of Cas. They were panting, their breaths synchronized. Cas then moved to his side, trying to release some of the weight on his hands, letting the semen drip across his chest. Dean ignored his exhaustion and lapped at it, cleaning his angel up with his tongue.   
"I love you Cas." He said once he was finished, the taste of the angel swallowed into him, "I love you. I promise I'll let you know. We'll make things work. This won't happen."  
They fell asleep like that, only for a few hours, but there would be five years to catch up.


End file.
